Hello All,
Thank you for visiting my blog! I sincerely hope you are all doing well.
My intent for this blog is to give people who are living with depression, (mild to severe), a place to come to discuss their daily struggles and/or triumphs.
To begin I would like to share my background. Let me start by saying that I am not a doctor of any kind. If you seek opinions from a doctor this may not be the place for you. What I do have to offer is first hand experience dealing with depression on a daily basis. Below is my story.
In 1995 at age 38 I was living the american dream. I was happily married, had 3 wonderful kids, was running my own successful real estate business, had a large house on a cul de sac in the suburbs, a lake home along with all the required toys (boat, jet ski, 4 wheeler…). In early 2006, however, things were about to change for me, and more sadly, everyone who knew me. I cannot be sure of ”the trigger” but within hours I had left my wife and children and ran for the seclusion of the lake home. The first 72 hours were by far, the worst of my life. I was consumed with immense depression, sadness and anxiety. I spent the first 36 hours pacing around in a circle, first inside the house, then outside, then back inside and so on. Every one of us has our mechanism to ”make it stop”. My was booze, and lots of it.
Finally, after about a day , I drank enough to pass out, only to awaken to incredible leg pain from the pacing as well as abject depression and hopelessness. I sat at the table crying until I passed out again. After the third day, I began searching for a way to make the depression stop in a more permanent fashion that passing out. I had planned the started car in garage thing, quaint motel with a gas range, aspirin OD… Luckily I had internet at the cabin where I was able to research painless ways to make it all stop. I stumbled upon a post that intrigued me. I writer suggested that individuals looking to put an end to their depression suffering obtain Ativan and combine that with booze. Don’t quote me but it read something like this. This mixure will give you the ride of your life, on the last night of your life. This was my first serious attempt at killing myself. However, I thought that it may be nice for a few days to just enjoy the ride, and live to ride another day. It all culminated with 8 pills and a bottle of booze. Then next thing I remember was my brother yelling at me that I could not focus, that he couldn’t see my pupils… next thing I know, I am in the hospital under a 72 hour hold for depression from the police department.
To avoid rambling, let me just say that after 5 more 72 hour police trips to the hospital, 6 anti-depression drugs, 30 day alcoholic treatment, and several psychiatrists/psychologists asking me about childhood abuse, dark secrets, and other standard shrink questions I am still struggling daily with this disease and fully expect that I will for the rest of my life.
So my choices were to let depression control me, destroy me, or to figure out a way to live with it. That brings me back to the purpose of this blog… I have found that it helps me more to talk with people who share the affliction than to speak with a professional. Let me say this – I am not saying that it won’t help you to seek professional help!!! I have found that for me, sharing my experiences with others who have had similar depression experiences works the best in reducing the symptoms of depression. I hope it works for you as well.
A couple of ground rules for discussion on this blog, if anyone chooses to contribute.
Please do not minimize the level of depression of other contributors. We all suffer at different levels and I am not in any position to say that my suffering is better or worse than yours.
Please do not critisize the means by which participants try to control their depression symptoms. We all should know that you would do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better and if it works for somebody, it works.
I hope to operate a non-judgemental and interactive discussion about the everyday struggles of living with depression. I welcome all comments and suggestion on how my blog can be better, and/or be more helpful in bringing everyone a bit a of relief from the daily struggles of dealing with depression.
I hope to talk to you all soon!
Dave
